how i spent my saturday night.

 

– left work late due to complications with my ability to count.

– sat shivering on a bench, waiting for a ferry, cursing the wind and my inability to remember gloves.

– made a miserable trek up a very large hill, which I cursed for its verticality.

– was passed by a woman with the thinnest legs I’ve ever seen, running up the very large hill while wearing heels and carrying a case of beer.

– checked out a man who appeared to be walking with his parents.  Twice.

– got so distracted by a man’s cologne in the grocery store that all I could manage to buy was a box of Kraft Dinner, a container of tzatziki and a bag of salted kettle chips.

– awarded -10,000 points to a friend’s blind date who had postponed their date three times that day.

– ate my body weight in cookies. 

– promised to send an escape-plan text to friend in case her date was flaky AND crazy.

– watched my fish get stuck in the roots of his plant.

– felt guilty about being a bad fish parent.

– dulled guilt with half a bag of easter-themed jelly beans.

– sent escape-plan text to friend.

– was relieved when friend was neither dead, nor in need of rescuing.

– celebrated with cookie.

– laughed at people whose dating profile pictures are of them without a shirt on in their living room pretending that they didn’t know the webcam was on.

– wrote a blog post based entirely on cookies.

– took a bath and then let my hair dry without combing it because I wanted to see what kind of funny shapes it would make when left to its own devices.

– accidentally flashed my neighbours because a coughing fit caused me to lose my towel while standing in the living room.

– pondered the unfortunate mess that is Amy Winehouse.

– decided that my fish was staring at me in a very judging sort of way.

– turned off all the lights in the apartment so he couldn’t see me anymore.

– realized that I might be just a little bit crazy. 

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